Celebrate Parents!
TRANSCRIPTION:
Welcome to worship with Dearborn First UMC. I am pastor Suzy Todd. We are in the midst of the Easter season and a series on celebrating the life and creation around us. This is Mother’s Day when our nation celebrates the women who birthed us and those women who nurtured and raised us – for some that may be the same woman, but for many of us, it took a village.
So Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate!
“Do what I say, not what I do.”
I often say that my children are amazing women – partially because of me and partially in spite of me. Now that they are in their 30s, we have conversations about the ways that I faltered as a mother. Though the lessons I learn from these conversations will never be tested on a new batch of humans, I am thankful for the opportunity to laugh at myself, celebrate my kids’ resilience and make amends.
While I am 100% responsible for my own behavior, I find it interesting to reflect on the multitude of people who helped form me. Some of the people were willing participants and others probably have no idea that I was watching and learning from them.
“Do what I say, not what I do,” was a common refrain in my home growing up – for good reason.
But no matter how earnestly we swear we won’t turn into our parents… kids mostly learn by what they witness, not what they hear. Thus, this other adage from my childhood may have had a bigger impact, “I can serve as an example or as a dire warning – you choose.”
Which put the power and the responsibility on me – for who I would become.
I thank God that I had a village filled with both good examples and dire warnings.
What Scripture Says
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 written for the adults of the community reads:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your strength. These words that I am commanding you today must always be on your minds. Recite them to your children. Talk about them when you are sitting around your house and when you are out and about, when you are lying down and when you are getting up.
It’s nice that the writer of Deuteronomy commands adults to tell children to love God. But the power of scripture is not contained in the ordering of words and sounds. The power of scripture is in its ability to transform a life – to transform the world.
Which may be why this writer leads in verse 5 with:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your strength.
Wielding scripture without embodying love – love of God and Jesus’ corollary, love of neighbor -turns scripture into a weapon.
It has been used to rationalize slavery.
to rationalize the horrors of conversion therapy
to rationalize ostracizing childless women
to rationalize physical abuse of children
Scripture is good and godly only when it is transformative. When it creates a world and people who love more perfectly.
Reciting scripture without embodying its love, turns people away from God. We harm the image of God in the world.
Embodying God’s Love
Today we celebrate people who have embodied the love of God for us.
Is anyone here familiar with The Search Institute?
It identifies 40 assets that substantially increase a child’s likelihood of growing up healthy, caring and responsible. One of those assets is whether a child receives support from 3 or more non-parent adults.
Even kids who have solid parents in their lives, need solid non-parents in their lives.
These people can be a coach or teacher who makes a child feel special.
Shoutout to Mrs. Kelly at Chillicothe Junior High in Chillicothe Illinois who noticed the new kid in town and told her she had gifts to offer the world.
They can be a neighbor or aunt or uncle.
When I was a kid we’d play baseball across the backyards of our neighbors. Some of the homes had kids, but some didn’t. Almost always a neighbor – whether they were one of our parents or not - would offer us an ice pack when injured, would bring out a cooler with water, would offer a sprinkler to run through… or even better, on a hot day, would offer us popsicles.
I am sure those neighbors were not always thrilled to have us trampling their lawns, lobbing baseballs into their flowerbeds and screaming “Run! Run! Run!” while they tried to watch The Price Is Right. But they showed up for us in ways that made us feel like we mattered. They showed up in ways that embodied a love of God and neighbor.
I don’t know if kids can find that kind of non-parent support in their neighborhoods anymore. Three of the last four neighborhoods I have lived in, were nothing like that! We’ve built more fences, become more territorial. We are more inclined to post a complaint on Ring or Next Door or the neighborhood Facebook group when kids cut across the yard than we are to offer them a drink of water – much less a popsicle
For many folks those people who served as an example were found in churches. But for kids like me who grew up without church, I celebrate those people who embody their faith outside the doors of the church.
I had an aunt who was a church organist. When I spent the night at her house, she woke me by singing “So rise and shine and give God the glory, glory.”
Not my biological parent. Not a legal parent. But a parent in the faith.
As for children, obey your parents in the Lord, because it is right. The commandment Honor your father and mother is the first one with a promise attached: so that things will go well for you, and you will live for a long time in the land. As for parents, don’t provoke your children to anger, but raise them with discipline and instruction about the Lord.
I remember one time when I had dinner at my aunt’s home, I spilled my milk at the table. I froze in fear about what their reaction would be. And I will never forget the shock and relief I felt when there was no anger, no disappointment, just my aunt saying, “Go get a paper towel and clean it up!” Maybe that seems small. I doubt my aunt or anyone else who was at that table remembered that event. But I still do. I remember every feeling I had.
I am so grateful that my aunt was not provoked into anger. I am so grateful that she served as a disciple, teaching me by her actions. She showed me that a simple mistake is not catastrophic, it is recoverable. I am so grateful that she was disciplined and offered instruction on how to handle my mistake. I celebrate this aunt who served as a parent in the Lord for me.
There was a time in 20th century church when many young adults would quit attending church, but when they had kids, they’d return. Often times they would cite the need for positive role models for their kids. They wanted their kids to have these valuable non-parent relationships with people of faith.
That day has passed for many reasons. I know it’s popular and common to blame coaches for scheduling games and practices on Sunday. But that assumes that the parents value athletic achievement over religious development. It means that what the church has to offer is not as valuable as what the team has to offer – that’s pretty indicting. Besides, I don’t think there are a lot of team sports that begin when a child is 3, 4 or 5 years old. And yet, churches are not filled with these young children.
Much like neighborhoods have been transformed into a series of personal spaces rather than a village of shared spaces and intertwined families, churches have suffered the same fate.
We get ensconced in our same pews with the same people, having the same chats about the same topics week after week.
When was the last time you met someone new in the church?
When was the last time you engaged in a conversation with someone in the church of a different age bracket or race?
When was the last time a child felt safe and affirmed enough to initiate a conversation with you?
Matthew 19:13-14 reads:
Some people brought children to Jesus so that he would place his hands on them and pray. But the disciples scolded them. “Allow the children to come to me,” Jesus said. “Don’t forbid them, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these children.” Then he blessed the children and went away from there.
I don’t think the church has intentionally scolded children. We’ve spent a lot of time and resources trying to attract them.
It would be nonsensical to attract them, then make them feel unwelcome by:
Glaring at a laughing or complaining child during worship.
Snapping at a kid running around, playing during the coffee hour gathering.
Criticizing them for what they wear.
We’re more Christ-like than that.
But how have the structures of worship and Sunday school and ministries and missions become un-friendly to children? How have we unintentionally created an atmosphere that caters only to the adults? What is it about church that makes a kid feel like they’re in adult space?
My daughter Madeline was an usher in the church when she was 5 years old. Not because the church put out a plea asking for children to volunteer but rather because she wanted to be with her grandpa.
Now, to understand this story, you have to know that my father had left more than a decade before. She’d never met him.
Her dad’s father had never been a part of her life because he was mired in addiction and untreated mental illness.
So, when she started telling me about things her grandpa had said or done, I assumed grandpa was a figment of a creative child’s imagination.
That is, until one Sunday…
We’re sitting in the pews at church, and she looks back toward the doors and says, “I’m going to go help grandpa!” I turn and look to see what she sees. And to my surprise it is Bill McCririe, the most cantankerous old man in the church. Once you got to know him, he had a very dry sense of humor and a generosity with folks he knew, but he did NOT suffer fools well.
And my 5-year-old was in love with him.
So, she started standing next to him, handing out bulletins and welcoming people. Not just that week, for the next several months. Every time that Bill was there, Maddy was there next to him.
Did she do it “right”? Of course not, she was 5. But no one made her feel unwelcome or incompetent. And being the highly social person that she is, by the end of those months she knew everyone’s names and had plenty of choices of people to sit with in church.
I celebrate Bill and his influence on my daughter.
Celebrating Those Who Modeled God’s Love
Today we celebrate the people in our lives who showed us what it means to love God and love neighbor. I’m going to pause for a second here so that you can remember. If you want to call out the name of someone – parent or non-parent – whose way of being in the world showed you what love is, go ahead and do so.
Pastor Suzy and her mom
My mom had me when she was 19 years old. And she had three more kids in the following 4 and a half years. I am who I am today – partially because of her and partially in spite of her.
Children – and if we’re really honest, adults too - need a village of folks who embody love. We need people who make us feel valued. We need people who take the time to listen to us. We need people who give us hope and show us that the world is bigger than we imagine.
I needed: Ann Stegall and Gil Miller. I needed Aunt Jeanne, Aunt Erna, Aunt Lonnie and Uncle Lorne. I needed Mrs. Hartwell, Mrs. Christianson and Mr. Orczyk. Who all saw something in me that was worthy of love.
No two parents can do it all on their own. But if they’re smart, they’ll draw on the resources around them. They’ll create a world in which their children have multiple parents in the Lord (whether they’d call it that or not).
Today we celebrate that village – and we strive to embody the love of God for others.
Amen
Pastoral Prayer and Prayers of the People
Please pray with me.
God, on this day when we pause to remember our mothers,
I want to praise and thank you.
For those who have raised children of their own flesh.
For those who have welcomed, adopted, or fostered children.
For those who have been spiritual mothers or disciple-makers.
We honor this often-hidden labor of love and we recognize this love as a glimpse of your nature.
We leave space for those who lament on this day.
For those without mothers.
For those estranged from mothers.
For those struggling with mothers.
For those struggling as mothers.
For those longing to be mothers but unable.
For mothers who have carried children in their bodies who have died.
Lord, today we hold this sacred space where both celebration and grief intersect.
While we praise motherhood for all its created goodness, we also lament all its wounds and difficulties.
Jesus our Christ,
We give thanks for the good examples and the dire warnings that have formed us into your people. We pray that the witness of our lives is one of disciple-making. May those who meet us, experience your love in our words and in our actions. May we welcome children to our community, not like your scolding disciples, but rather with your hand of blessing.
Holy Spirit,
Extend your mother-like comfort to those among us who fear, those who grieve, those who are anxious. We pray that you will gather us your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.
Give the peace that passes all understanding.
Today we lift our voices with your people through all time and across all spaces, praying the prayer that Jesus taught:
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from Evil
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.
Amen.
Benediction:
Go in thanksgiving for those who have shaped you.
Go and embody the gospel in your words and actions.
Go in peace to love and serve the Lord. Amen
